Wow!

What seems to be such a simply three letter word is about the only thing I can use to sum up this summer.

It hit me a couple of days ago when I was looking through some of my past posts, when I came across the one I wrote the last day of school. I sat there thinking about the summer I had had already planned out at that time. It was to go down as the most amazing summer that I would ever have. So much traveling was going to be done. Great times were going to be spent with friends. Vast amounts of partying was to be expected. Hanging Rock. Trio Time. Zoo. Drinking Games. Pool Partes. 4th Of July. Birthdays. Clubbing. Life. A myriad of possibility and opportunity lay at my feet for the taking. And I had every intention on living to life's fullest.

If that's only how life truly turns out.

Instead my summer was filled with 45+ hour work weeks. Losing touch with someone who I held as one of the most important people in my life. My Sanity leaving me every other week. Only getting drunk once this summer; making a complete ass out of myself. Never leaving the goddamn confines of this god forsaken city. Finding out that I have to pay for college. Not getting to go to the college I want, not because I didn't get in, because my parents simply won't let me go. Getting dropped by my insurance. Having to fork out money so fast that it would make my friends' heads spin.

But you know what.....I wouldn't change a thing.

This summer has been everything I have needed. I got to reconnect with my sister. I learned how I no longer have to worry about a little girl. She has become a strong, level-headed woman who has her mind on the right path and even better her heart in the right place. I have gained so many friends this summer. These are people I always overlooked because for some stupid reason I thought they weren't needed. BOY WAS I WRONG! I love them. Each and every one of them. I found someone who has taught me that sometimes you can only do so much. She's someone I like to just being around. We have everything laid out on the table. We understand what we expect from each other now and in the future. I have learned not to hold back on doing that any longer. But most of all I have learned that...I WILL SURVIVE.

I don't know how many of my friends can say that. But I can. I hold down a full work week. I make a car payment, insurance payment, credit cards, EVERYTHING FOR COLLEGE, gas, clothes, food, rent. And the best thing is that I am able to pay for them all. I have to be pretty much completely self sufficent. And slowly but surely I am getting there. I am carefully getting my life in order. I am starting to make adult decisions. I am not having to rely on anyone else but myself to get things accomplished. I can make it in this dog eat dog world and I can only hope that others will follow suit.

It's invigirating. I have never been the most studious or had the best grades but then again I have never had anything handed to me. I drive a nice car. I wear nice clothes. I do extravagent things. But I can say that I paid for it all. That through hard work and dedication I can make life happen the way I want it to.

I reflect on this past summer with only a week left before it comes to a close and there are many things as well as people that I miss. But when I see what all has been accomplished and what I will be accomplishing in the future I find that these things are no longer in my life for a reason. And one day I might be able to incorporate them back in but then again maybe it's best that they stay out.

I can no longer live for everyone else. I love my friends. I pride myself on trying to be a great friend. But like everything else in life, and I have found this to hold true this summer, those that don't help you hinder you. So I will do best for those I hold dear to my heart but I no longer hold anyone above myself.

I will fight for them. I will die for them. I will hold them when they cry. I will exhault them when they succeed. If they ever need anything I will always be there for them. My heart and home will always be open to them. My love for them will know no bounds. All I ask for in return is the same.

I Love You All.